No joy

It is with profound sadness we have to announce that we no longer have living embryos.

On Friday, December 12, the day after Nancy's surgery, the embryologist called to inform us about the progress of our embryos. She said that out of the 10 oocytes only four were inseminated. However, only 3 of those were mature enough to go through the process. The embryologist said she would be monitoring the progress of the eggs and she would call us again on Sunday. Nancy and I were devastated by the news. We thought everything was perfect. There was no evidence that the eggs would not be mature enough. We thought that God was with us. Why did God allow this to happen? Why only three eggs? We spent several hours thinking about it, trying to understand. But that day we remembered that prior to starting the in-vitro fertilization study we thought it would be a good idea to have three embryos transferred into Nancy. Perhaps God hear us, and God is giving us three embryos after all. We still had hope.

On Sunday, December 14, we went to church. There was a church-wide breakfast, very exciting day. Pablo went for the rehearsal with the worship team, they were preparing for an acoustic christmas church service. Nancy went to the breakfast with the entire church and was helping serve. After that, the service started. We knew they could call us during the service; but, is there a better place to receive good news than the church? We could praise God for the good news right here in church. So, Pablo was worshipping with the guitar, Nancy was singing. We were singing "The first noel", a christmas song about how angels communicated the news about a child who was born. How ironic, because at that moment the doctor called with news indicating almost the opposite. Nancy stepped out of the sanctuary to answer the phone. The doctor said that out of our three embryos, only one was still growing. The cells on two of our embryos simply stopped reproducing. There was only one that was showing progress. Only one. The doctor said they would wait until day five (Tuesday) to see how our last embryo was growing and hopefully they could freeze it. It was terrible news for us. Only one embryo survived. And you know what is more ironic? The fact that Pablo had to preach about joy that very same morning. Joy. It was really hard for us to have joy on that day. Yet we prayed, we hoped, we trusted in God.

On Tuesday, December 16, Pablo was at work with a student when the embryologist called. She said that our embryo was not ready for cryopreservation (freezing). It seems that although the embryo grew, it was not as expected, it was not sufficient. The embryologist wanted to keep it under observation one more day, and hopefully the next day it would be ready for cryopreservation. Pablo went home and told Nancy the news. It was not all bad news, there was still hope. We decided to trust in God. We gave God our hope of having a baby.

Today, Wednesday, December 17, it was a cloudy day, a day with rain. It was one of those days that invite you to stay in bed for a little bit more. Pablo woke up and did exercise. We had breakfast together, and then Nancy did some exercise as well. While Nancy was doing exercise, Pablo received a call from the embryologist. She said that our last embryo stopped growing. It is no longer alive. She said "I am sorry. Have a good day". Pablo stayed in shock for a few seconds while his eyes became full of tears. Nancy said "who is it? what happened?" Pablo shared the news. We hugged. We kissed. We hugged each other some more. Today is the day we celebrate Pablo's mother birthday, and it is also the day when our embryo died. This evening we went to a christmas party for the community; we went there to bring a moment of happiness to children and parents; but when will it be our turn?

We wonder what is going to happen in our future. What does all this mean? Are we done? Why would God allow this? What about all this money that we owe? What are we going to say to our donors? Do our friends still love us?

Please pray for us.

Peace,

Pablo and Nancy